By Carl Weiss
With apologies to Clement
Clarke Moore.
Twas the byte before
Christmas,
When all through the house
Not creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.
Now that Black Friday and
Cyber Monday are behind us, let’s take a look at what is shaping up to be a
very merry Internet Christmas in 2013.
Shop Til You Drop
As has become the tradition
in this time of giving, not everyone has gotten the “Peace on Earth & Good
Will Toward Men” tweet. With the
exception of the usual shopper melees that have become so ubiquitous that the
KFC franchise posted a tongue-in-cheek salute to them on YouTube, a notable incident included a brawlinvolving more than 40 people at an Alamo Christmas tree lighting ceremony in
San Antonio. (Bad Santa!)
Who’s Been Naughty
Of course shoppers weren’t
the only people infused with the spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge this year. Everyone from Bitcoin bandits who recently
hacked their way into more than $1 million in ill-gotten gains, to at least one
Seattle restaurant that ejected a patron for sporting Google Glass, to Health
and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius suggestion that frustrated users
of healthcare.gov “avoid the lines” by shopping on the website during off-peak
hours.
Speaking of Scrooge,
Microsoft has upped the ante on its Scroogled campaign, which has for the past
two years poked fun at Google’s privacy policy, when they decided to cash in on
the phenomenon by selling Scroogled T-shirts, hats, hoodies and mugs. Many of the items for sale sport the meme “Keep
calm while we steal your data.” When one
Google spokesperson was asked their opinion of the all-too-public slur by Microsoft
that has been broadcast online and on TV, the response was one of, “Microsoft’s
latest venture comes as no surprise, since competition in the wearables space
is really heating up.”
When it comes to playing nice
with the other children, Microsoft is no saint.
After partnering up with Apple, Ericsson, Sony and Rim and operating
under the name Rockstar Bidco in order to collectively purchase a portfolio of
more than 6,000 patents from the bankrupt Canadian telecom Nortel in 2011,
Microsoft has been busy litigating Google for patent infringement.
An arstechnica.com blog
stated that, “Google probably knew this was coming. When it lost out in the Nortel
auction, the company's top lawyer, David Drummond, complained that the Microsoft-Apple patent alliance was part of a
"hostile, organized campaign against Android.".
Who’s Been Nice
That doesn’t mean that a quick
search of the Internet was unable to locate anyone with the Christmas
spirit. Far from it. I found everything from an article in the
Washington Post that touted a DC restaurant that turned its patio into a
Christmas tree lot for charity, to 14-year old Hailey Poutiatine who puts on a concert each Christmas Eve in Spokane, giving the donations to
the Christmas Bureau.
In fact, when it comes to
finding who’s been naughty or nice, the web is hard to beat. Among other reporting agencies, Consumer
Reports has for the past four years published a Naughty & Nice List of
company policies and practices.
NAUGHTY
·
Amazon. The
world's 11th largest retailer, with more than $61 billion in
annual sales, recently raised the requirement for free Super Saver shipping on
eligible items by $10, to $35.
·
United Airlines. One
practice travelers can usually count on when flying with commercial airlines is
pre-boarding for families with young kids. Not at United. "Families with
infants or with children who are under the age of 4 may board the aircraft when
their group number is called."
NICE
·
Lands' End. The
catalog merchant has an unconditional "Guaranteed. Period." policy
that entitles customers to return for refund or exchange any product at any
time, for any reason. That largesse extends even to personalized items that
have been hemmed or monogrammed.
·
Southwest Airlines. Airlines
typically allow flight cancellations within 24 hours of booking without
financial penalty. Southwest offers greater flexibility if you need to switch
flights. You can modify your itinerary without time restriction and simply pay
the difference in cost between fares.
Christmas Around the World (I’m
not making these up, I swear.)
One of the benefits of
working the web has to do with the fact that you can reach out and touch
Christmas traditions from all around the world.
Some notables are as follows:
 |
| Chritmas cracker (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
as they pop Christmas crackers and pal around with Father Christmas. There’s something to be said about the British sense of humor. Not to mention their cuisine.
Greenland – Speaking
of cuisine, here’s a Christmas dinner yule never forget. At Christmas time in the frozen arctic nation
they prepare and eat a special feast which includes mattak (raw whale skin) and
kiviak, which is made by wrapping a small arctic bird called an auk in seal
skin and then burying it for a couple of months. Yum!
Japan– All they
want for Christmas is their KFC. No
sushi for me, mama san. Please pass the
bucket of the Colonel’s best. Due to a
combination of limited cooking facilities in many Japanese homes combined with
the marketing prowess of KFC, fried chicken on Christmas Eve
has become all the rage in Japan. Meri
Kurisumasu!
China – In China,
Santa is known as Sheng dan lao ren.
While most of the Christmas decorations and artificial Christmas trees sold
worldwide are made in China, most Chinese would not know what they are all
about, since the only place they are likely to see them are in major department
stores in big cities. A Christmas tradition
that is becoming more common in China is giving brightly wrapped apples on
Christmas Eve. Apparently the word for
Christmas Eve (Pine An Ye) in Cantonese is similar to the word for apple (Ping
Guo). Talk about being inscrutable. Seng Dan Fai Lok!
If you are interested in
finding out how other cultures celebrate Christmas, check out the website
Christmas Around the World. http://www.whychristmas.com/cultures/
While
the Internet can claim to have truly brought all the people of the world
together for this giving season, I’m not sure what old Clement Moore would think
of a geopolitically corrected rendition of his perennial holiday poem:
But I
heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Meri
Kurisumasu to all, and to all a good night!”
Please
pass the kiviak…
Happy holidays
from all the elves at W Squared Media Group. Join Carl on his weekly Working the Web to Win radio show that airs live at 4 pm EST every Tuesday.
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